Friday, December 28, 2012

Re: clear, transparent, frank relations stay life long and rest fall apart

Re: clear, transparent, frank relations stay life long and rest fall apart

Ashok Jain
Dec 26 (3 days ago)

to me
Dear Alok ji,

Good morning. What a nice piece of thoughts, very common subject, but who gathers time to write like this, only u and u can do it. 

What you wrote is a principled approach towards, building happy relationships.

I liked it and confirm to your approach.

Have a nice day. Keep writing, but in small paragraphs, little edit it before pressing the button to go...

Ashok Jain

On 26-Dec-2012, at 5:24, Alok Tholiya <> wrote:
There was a clear cut accounting between Dadaji and me like dadaji will have with outsiders. Only difference is he wud not charge interests and not give me reminders. But I will keep borrowing and returning as soon as possible. Even with Daddy our accounts were settled regularly.
With Sushama jiji we have maximum transactions for simple reason she will write and collect / pay for all expenses that is have frank and open accounting. She always came running to help from my marriage time to till date but accounting she will collect or pay even five rupees which keeps everyone happy at the end.
On rakhi and other festival it was only token of giftiesm (Rs 5 or Rs 11/-) and rest was love and helping each other in crises. I find one may have to remain Hungary, helpless, may be harassed etc but finally on D day he gets a gift. What hypocrisy. Many care hell for a person rather often make others life a hell but on occasions gift him big cards/ throw a party, give costly gift. If you can pour burning coal on someone ( by expectations), enjoy not serving food in time, enjoy his suffering and do not extend help and then  give a big gift ? For what?? To satisfy that you are a rich man with status and impress to samaj that you are closest well wisher and relative??

I will rather gift a book but make myself humbly available in case one of my own needs me.

So my request if I am giving any work, asking to buy and send something then I have a right to take favors / trouble you but I am not asking anything for free, not expecting others to even spend on packing and despaching. That all has to be accounted and charged to me.
IF this idea does not gel with you and I do not get bill by email for items I have ordered by email then I will realize that in future I have been blocked by you and cannot ask for favours.
Dear , Asking favors and getting it brings each other near and if favour is asked and denied breaks the relations as the person showing back for no serious reason is mean, timid, selfish and better remains out of your circle. Relations are meaningless if one can not give and take favors but to expect freeka, haramka, to expect brother in law pay , to expect ordered items to be free is a cheap persons mentality and you are demeaning me and my sanskar from Daddy if you are insisting to not to accept money for ordered items.
I know of names like one Borker who did not take some money what he spent at the time of marriage of Pattu but after a year or so he bought something from my shop and never paid for it.

So taking or giving free accounts remain in minds most often and if not in yours but in the minds of wife, children etc and which spoils relations. Hisab ki jagah hishab is the only right principle and mantra to good long relations.
Many of my friends and relatives could have brought extremely needed good items from abroad but as they feel shy of collecting money they just bring chocolates. In whole life I can not count one good useful item from any of foreign living / visiting person except small unnoticeable complimentary  as we don’t have frank relations of kya bhai kuch jaruri saman lana hei kya , han to la paise de and happily one can get rare useful item. Only once in life time I insisted one close relative  to give me KINDLE and collect money but he too said I have brought for my friend and will get you that but????? But???????

However now scene has changed everything is available here, I too can fly anywhere anytime, or now on eBay or similar sites everything is available.
Seeking help at the time of daughter’s marriage, sickness, seeking help at most upsetting issue of family being faced is common and at that time not getting help is not understandable and Not pardonable and such irresponsible persons must  be dealt in proper reciprocation.

I request you and thru this mail all others to grant me right to come near to you by seeking favours, giving favours but not seeking free ka.
Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya,

NB: exception proves the rule.

Getting/ asking / giving discount to known is a good gesture but totally waiving bill is bad and will spoil relations.
This was about expenses and products which are quantifiable. What about services which I receive from professionals, social workers, contacts in govt, politicians for free. Mail on that some other time.
These mail are for awareness, are blunt, are intended to hurt and penetrate the conscience of all and book on my mails will be may be published and liked post my death.

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