Friday, August 6, 2010

do not get trapped in sinking sand / dal dal ( expectations from life)


Apekshayein:  Expectations:  


I want to ask simple question to all of you.  What slips away in life like sea sand or mercury from fist?  Answer is : Expectations.

So do not have any expectation in life. Life may be full of shocks and surprises. No one knows why this had to happen, why this had to happen to them / her / we alone, why this had to happen at all??

Just lead life, be happy , do your duty and leave everything to destiny. No one knows why he had to die in crash, why 3 years  old had to get cancer, why such a lovely good girl had to be cheated, why the only young promising person had to die leaving old dependants etc etc..

But I think only some live though lengthy examples can make sense to you. Only then one will understand there is something like punarjanam (rebirth) (as per Jainism destiny is made up of debits and credits of many lives and not just this life) as if you make balance sheet of only current life of so many such fine persons then you will never get an answer why had they to suffer to destiny inspite of being so nice and to such an unexpected extent.

Dear ones,

We all,  like a dreamer keep dreaming a lot every moment about our life. Specially if god gives some good days , some success , some name, fame, achievement etc then We never stop boasting about ourselves  without realizing what is in store for us next minute.

Late Arvind Jhavar claimed that I have achieved much in business and by next 3 yrs I will achieve turnover of Rs. 150 cr. A very dynamic person, humble and good at heart we thought yes he will. He is the person who settled his joint family on sound footing. Made posh bungalow. But we don't know what happened. Things changed in life. He went in a serious depression. Daughter had a love marriage but soon became widow .He developed high B.P... I took him to Dr. Satish Gupta (leading cardiologist and my family friend) but in spite of all his cautions and warnings he did not take medicines as required. One day he left us at the age of 55 or so. Ambition of 150 cr. Cud never be achieved.

My mamaji and mamiji kept advising on how to take care of my aged and ailing parents. Good thing but did they ever know that their only son and daughter in law will separate when they need them most?

My jijaji claimed that we never have to spend char ana (25 paisa) on Anacin and I m asking for Rs. 4000/- for health insurance. And finally his policy lapsed. After some time he was diagnosed with liver cancer. Lacs were spent by his wife but he cud not be saved and he was just 45 yrs old.

When we went with sweets to Mrs. Amrit Arora for my siblings SSC result she said Oh Tholiyaji has all hard earned honest money and how can it go waste? You surely had to pass with good numbers. Bad luck, she failed next year in 1st year college.

Whenever my wife used to caution me to be more careful while driving I used to boast "has anything happened to you in 25 yrs with me". Last year we were coming from Silvassa and I had to suddenly apply break as a truck suddenly came in front of my Maruti Van (Maruti Van has very bad quality break, has no road grip, height is more yet govt, fools like me and Maruti allows it on highways and milometer says max speed 120) and in spite of my van having speed of just 60 KM turned twice but due to blessings of sr. citizens came back to its original position. I was wearing belt so I was still in my seat and only my R. hand got hurt badly. But my wife was thrown out from window (is safe and sound). Now I do not boast about my driving and even if she warns / cautions me due to unwanted fear I listen to her.

Shri Hasmukhbhai Mehta a great friend, great philanthropist and having his father aged 97 yrs and mother 93 yrs used to always say I am very healthy and will continue to do good work till I am even 100yrs. He always boasted (without any ego) my all 7 sisters and brothers are hale and hearty and I too am.  For last 2 yrs he was constantly coughing. I told him khansi is fansi (long term cough is like death), called up once his son Nikhil ( top MBA from Mumbai and very busy exec who hardly has any time) and told him to do something but all in vain. He has been now diagnosed with lungs cancer may be running up to brain. Has lost one eye and other one is giving problem. Weight is lost and weakness is growing daily.

Shri Dabrai came in beautiful car in one of the conference at retreat. When we all came out just to show off his car and his driving skills he took off like jet from the porch gaining attention of all.

After few years we heard while on his way back in the dead of night at prabhadevi he died in a car accident. His wife had become totally physically challenged and was not even attended by family (of in laws) and finally is with parents and is on bed for years. Did ever this beautiful girl from rich family ever dream that this will be her fate? Did her parents ever think that we will loose young son in law? Will any one of u expect that a daughter in law will be discarded who brought so many happiness and dowry in the in laws family? They came in huge procession (barat) to take this bride. Where r all those who enjoyed food, stay , drink , gifts and souvenirs in the marriage but now do not show sympathy to this same girl. Where is that namak halali/ that conscious/ that heart from so many guests who had fun, frolic and food in the marriage but never did uff for the same bride when left unattended in the hospital and not taken back to home. But this is type of namak harami which creates debit balance in your karma and all spectators of wrong doings will pay for their impotency, pay for failing to raise voice, pay for their silence pay for running away from responsibility, will pay for forgetting that we had a party at her cost and now are not party to her sufferings and cries for support.

One of my Neighbor used to say you are unfortunate with your some siblings being dark. And that they would feel comfortable they were not so. But how long. Their daughter married a Keralite with very dark complexion and ofcourse they had never thought if such thing would happen in their family.

My engagement was fixed with one Kanno in Khar. Soon they broke up as they found we were literates but LS (low society) and they were living in style.

My neighbor taunted on this once. But he never knew his sons engagement too will be broken but for more serious reason. His son  developed serious ailment and his engagement too was broken. But he will never be able to connect these incidents.

And about Kanno. Unfortunately cud not again get a match in Mumbai. Was married to businessman  in district place. And sadly her husband died at the age of 40. Her brother got divorced. Her father died in car untimely. Why all this had to happen??

When I came back from maternity home after my daughter was born Mr. Bharat Purohit (must have not meant anything) commented Hi beti ke Bap ( Hi father of daughter ). Incidentally they were all together 3 brothers and had no sisters.  After few days his son aged 5 yrs started quarreling with my nephew and my nephew who was much elder was always coming back crying. One day I told him to go back to Uncle (Bharat Purohit) and complain. As he went I too followed him to see how he handles his son for changing his behavior. But he laughed it off saying kya tu bacche se pit jata hai (wow so u get beaten by a kid) that was our upbringing but his comment hurt. As usual we have no courage to argue/ fight so we came back and said to my nephew to avoid playing with him.

Few months later they returned to their native place Jaipur. In their bungalow while playing in court yard unfortunately this boy fell in water pond (In Rajasthan most houses used to have pond for animals like cow etc) and died. There after all the 3 brothers have only daughters. No son.

And from same family Madhu Purohit once was telling me that they had a friend Mr Kala in Jaipur who would always down us with his success but now he is much behind us in business.

Did Keneddy know he will be shot inspite of having world's best security and intelligence with him? And lo his wife left soon his country for another person. Had he ever thought his wife was eager to leave him?

The person never expected got a lottery and the person always had lot of money got ruined due to various reasons (collect data on people around you). 30 years back you never knew who will be who's who Narayan Murthy, Bill,  and who will be  unsuccessful commoner say like  Alok myself.  In my young age I was regarded as most dynamic , outspoken and  good business man but nothing worked in real life and all hard work, creativity , dynamism failed and my spouse and children look down on me as a failure and I have to bear all brunt smilingly because I had my turn of festivities now is a time for sportingly moaning. Life is always like that . Enjoy every minute good or bad rather if you follow Jainism / Osho then let us take out from our dictionary words GOOD , BAD , why , why me etc.. Just live that minute fully, boldly, smilingly and by being busy. Continue good work, be noble and humble, increase bearing capacity and life will pass without being a burden. If life was ever a rosy for anyone than gods (Tirthanakars) would have never worked so hard to go to Moksha .

Pl. do not expect anything form life which will keep giving you surprises which will make you happy one day and unhappy the other day. Kum se kum Apekshayein karo  jindgi se. Desire / dream minimum from life and keep doing your best and leave the rest to god.

Some more name s and incidents: Indira ji/ Prince Charles got divorced one was daughter of PM another to be crowned King.

P U Jain boarded flight by influencing the crew and died in flight crash. Every one wonders such a great wonderful person had to go this way at such young age when he was doing so many good things for society.

Some everyday goers did not go to WTC that ill-fated day and survived and many just went that day and died. Why?? Cause this had to happen to them.

PM and to be PM died in assassinations: sanjay Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi and Indira Gandhi. Did anyone from their family with so much of security ever had dreamt of this?

Why did Mahatma Gandhi had to get such violent death the one who worked whole life for non violence, scarified everything for poor, down trodden, harijan, for freedom of those enslaved for centur[es ( by Moguls and then Britishes) etc.

Next day Ram was to be crowned but he instead got externment for 14 years, lost his wife in kidnap , did not see his children for years and yet he was a Bhagwan. If this had to happen to God then what r we????

If you read paper / life properly you will realize everyone has surprises and shocks in life.


Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya (S.E.O.),Marigold Hall,
Tholiya Bhavan,10th Road,Santacruz East,
Mumbai 400055
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